I have spent my adult life as a hospital worker. I qualified in 1999 as a general (adult) nurse during a time when white uniforms and starched hats were still in use. Nursing is a great qualification to gain. Throughout my career I have enjoyed working in medical and surgical units in numerous hospitals. I also worked as a volunteer in Asia, which was truly life changing.
I continued with my education since my initial qualification and I now hold six third-level qualifications, including two master’s degrees and a fellowship. Despite all this education, I had no idea I had multiple sclerosis until I was given the diagnosis as an inpatient. All the symptoms were so seemingly disconnected and intermittent I just thought I was getting old!
My first ever hospital admission was when I presented with speaking difficulties and fatigue in my early 40s. This admission was when I was diagnosed with advanced and aggressive MS. I am very comfortable in a hospital environment due to my employment history. Being admitted didn’t worry me as much as not being privy to all the conversations the staff were having nearby about me.
As a nurse, I was a bit concerned when each of my three ward changes resulted in my bed being very close to the nurse’s station. These beds are usually reserved for the patients who are unstable or worrisome.
I think my ease of chatting with staff resulted in me being told of my diagnosis in less-than-ideal circumstances. So, it was part of a general conversation one evening (9.15pm to be exact) that a junior doctor casually told me that I had multiple sclerosis.
Since diagnosis I have been insistent on receiving copies of all my blood and scan reports - obviously after my consultant has spoken to me about them first. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing as they say. I’m just fascinated by what multiple sclerosis has done to my body.
It took 20 months after my diagnosis before I was able to return to work in a limited capacity. I work in clinical research, which is mostly office based. It has been difficult to return to the same work area that I had been working in pre-diagnosis. I think this is mostly to do with the invisibility of MS to others.
I use a stick when getting on/off the bus to work, but as the hospital floors are flat, I rarely use it inside. So, for all intents and purposes, I am just as I was.
I have been working in the same hospital for 12 years. I thought working in healthcare would result in my colleagues having a greater understanding of multiple sclerosis. I have learned that this is not always the case. I think a mixture of working in paediatrics, where MS is thankfully rare, and the invisibility of my symptoms contribute to this.
I work 5.25 hours twice a week and I often work one of these days from home. This allows me to send emails and complete necessary administrative work in a quiet environment. My brain fog and word-finding difficulties are more pronounced when I’m in the office. I can notice the different relationships I have with the people who knew me pre-diagnosis and those who have only known me since diagnosis. That upsets me greatly.
Being a hospital worker and then becoming a patient has been very enlightening. I would never have imagined I would be in this situation. Overall, though, I think it has helped me come to terms with my MS diagnosis.
Comments
Congratulations on a very well written piece Roísín, thought provoking and very relatable. Wishing you all the best
Hi Roisin, this really hits home for me as I am also a nurse and in the same position. What you see on the outside does not reflect what may be going on in the inside and that’s the most difficult part of MS for me!
Well done Roisìn You have been through so much and have written it so well that other MS suffers will find support and comfort from it.
Add new comment