I am forever amazed at how the small things that you take for granted when younger have such a massive impact as you get older. “The evenings will soon be on the turn….” is a saying from my Dad when I was growing up (and still is for that matter!). It meant one of two things: the evenings would be getting shorter or they were about to get even longer!
I loved the thought of the latter as it meant come March, the evenings would be longer, school would nearly be over and golf was the only thing I had on my menu! This has changed over the years, but my core excitement of the longer evenings has not changed one little bit. Warmth returns, growth begins again and last Spring (2017) was so very special- we welcomed our first child.
This only confirmed for me that Spring truly is the most wonderful time of the year. Life regenerates and the cycle starts again, fresh growth appears in the trees and the bright colours are abundant in the sky. As the season turns, I look to Spring because it is quite the opposite of what I am now facing in my health. There is little regeneration and the cycle is not restarting. If anything, its quite the opposite and we are essentially trying to stop MS dead in its tracks; stop it so that I retain function and stay well. This is a particularly difficult time of year for me because it was 4 years ago this month that I found out that I had MS and my life was changed forever.
Now, I am living life from day to day, week to week, month by month. Staying in the moment is welcome. However, not knowing how I am going to be when I wake up in the morning can impact greatly on the day and night I have. It can also have an impact on those around me- I am difficult to decipher and who knows what version of Niall they are going to get on any given day. On some days, I am nothing short of a pain in the ass. I try and catch myself but…thankfully, I have a massively supportive family near and far, a beautiful home, great friends and a good job. When I do wake up in pain (most days lately) I know its part and parcel of what I’ve got to deal with, difficult as it may be.
Little by little, I am getting better at being kind to myself. I keep it simple. Daily, I have one of two choices to make- I can either have the outlook of Springtime, where the light is bright, where there’s warmth and life is in abundance or I can close my mind and let the winter darkness come over me. Yes, it is a difficult time of the year but I choose to use my Spring outlook and grasp whatever life has in store…no matter what way the wind blows this winter.